11.50am.
broken-hearted. dr murphy yg sgt best dan baik hati refused to sign us off. he said kami bukan budak2. we're adults. yes i know. we all know that. and michael pulak ckp han patut tipu je dr murphy tadi. tu la masalah die. i dont want to lie. tak berkat wooo. michael pulak macam ala2 tak puas hati dgn han, padahal die bkn nak back-up han waktu han stammered and mintak ngn dr murphy td. senyap je tak cakap apape lps tu nak ckp it's my fault sb dr murphy still wants us here next week.
12.00 pm.
upset and cranky,so naturally jadi tak rasional. berlari balik ke dinnis cottage, grab my luggage and terus jalan pegi tren station tanpa makan dan minum. konon2 nak kejar tren.
12.50pm.
kejar tren by foot? harapan. ingat han ni boleh terbang ke? ini juga bukan bollywood. dah agak dah. i missed the train. ingatkan ade la tren kul 1.30 nnt. tapi sangat mengecewakan, sb the next tren ialah pukul 2.40pm. like heeeeeeeeelllllllllsssssssssssss betul. so sekarang stranded dekat stesen tren yg senyap sunyi, orang pn takde kecuali han sorang2. kedai runcit, vending machine whatsoever tiadalah terdapat di sini. maka, han mengisytiharkan hari ini hari berpuasa lunch se-tullamore.
sangat menguji. betul2 nak nangis there and then, sepanjang perjalanan. sakit bahu dan tangan dan kaki akibat berlari bersama luggage dan handbag yg berat. and bcs of pg td, pastilah dr murphy yg best tu dah bertukar pandangan terhadap han. i like him, and i so enjoy the time being with his team. the thing is, han tak kisah pegi hospital hari2. my problem skrg is han tak boleh stadi lgsg. you tau la, sharing room dgn org lain, takde meja stadi ataupun lampu utk stadi. han tak kisah pun tak stadi smgu dua klu exam tu lama lagi. bkn best sgt pn stadi. tp masalah die lg 18 hari. han tau han fussy. and this is my problem. td bie cakap, i need to change, be more fleksible. tapi 18 hari. baru nak change skrg, mane sempat. kn pulun stadi je la. not to mention kawan2 seB&B yg suke-suki drg je klu nak masuk bilik each other tidak kira lelaki atau perempuan. da ckp pn asyik2 lupe je. kot2 han tgh smayang ke, dlm toilet ke, tgh salin baju ke. tak ke naya.
han tak simpan harapan tgi pn utk di let-off this week. but i believe if we want something, perlu berusaha so i thought it wont hurt to ask tak rugi pe pn. klu die bg alhamdulillah. klu tak bg, dtg la lagi next week. i could go back for good, may be, if i just lie, making up false reasons. but i decided to just be honest with dr murphy. honesty is the best policy, kan? plus, i like him. tp sedih bl outcome die mcm ni. i seek his understanding. well may be he does understand.
i know han membebel kat cni and people will probably think i'm just a difficult person. i get that a lot, yes. i am a difficult person. no question.
bie cakap mesti punye ade hikmah yg jadi di sebalik sume ni. hikmah or not, i dont care. i dont see any, as of this moment. sb sekarang hnylah ade penat dan lapar gile dan sejuk dan frustrated tak tau pd sape. mungkin pd irish rail yg takde buat journey tullamore-heuston pukul 1.30pm.
sekian.
[kadang-kadang kita tak tahu mcm mana nak translate what we feel inside to sth yg org boleh nmpak. kadang-kadang rasa kecewa tapi bl diluahkan, jadi marah. kadang-kadang rasa sayang, tp yg terzahir hanya benci. kadang-kadang risau tapi pura-pura ignore. kadang-kadang rasa sangat helpless tp pretend je konon-konon tabah dan kuat menghadapi segalanya padahal deep inside dah berkeping-keping jadinya. i hate living here. it turns me into an ugly person.]
