Fuhhh, after a few days of experiencing heavy stress, I'm feeling a lot better now.
I'm glad Urology and Gynae are over. That'd mean, no more penises or vaginas or anuses yg perlu dihadap dan dijolok-jolok setiap hari. I've had enough, thank you.
There's that, but apsal Han stress sgt these past couple of days?
Reason number 1.
Sebab I'm behind my schedule. I should be in point B now, but somehow I am still in point quarter-to-A. This is the major contributor to the stress. I usually dont really care about other people sgt, like I wont bother if I'm not the smartest, or prettiest, or the best, the favourite, or the most-loved person among the people around me. But I will definitely go crazy if I don't reach the aims I set for myself. Macam Stephen Covey cakap dalam his book, '7 Habits of Highly Effective People', begin with the end in mind. You see, I pun bukan la seorang yang efektif ke elektif ke ape, but I am trying to be a better person.
So, nak dijadikan cerita, I was disappointed with myself. Sebab I failed to reach a few of my short-term goals. Mostly relating school of course. Dah 2 weeks back in Surgery, but I still haven't get even one form signed for case presentation to the Consultant. Why? Because I was toooo lazy to come to school with a bad ankle. Sekarang, rasakan padah kekecewaan akibat kemalasan tersebut. Lebih baik tempang dan ke sekolah dan mendapat faedah daripada berkurung di rumah tetapi unproductive, bukan?
And I also haven't finish even my first case write-up padahal dah 2 minggu dah. Hann, please la!
Reason number 2.
Somehow I rasa upset sangat after doing Gynae and Urology. I think I am the most ting-tong-kepalaotak-kosong student in the team. Or to be politically correct, the most mentally-challenged. I am usually not the best but I never think I've ever been the worst. But that's what happened to me these past couple of weeks. Like when Dr Lenehan asked me pasal the worries you should have when you are prescribing HRT progesteron plus oestrogen for menopausal women. Of course la there's the irregular bleeding and obviously, the increased risk of thromboembolism. And macam tong sampah lagi, how could I lupa about the breast cancer?! Allahuakbar. That's like really really really unforgivable, kalau masuk court boleh kena death sentence. And pasal causes of menorrhagia macam longkang boleh lupa pasal endometriosis. And the story with Mr Quinlan:
MQ : Siti, tell me the intramural causes of bowel obstruction.
Siti : Err,.. SBO.
MQ : That's the diagnosis. I need the causes.
Siti : Oh,.. err.. IBD, tumour, strictures,.. inflammation....
MQ : Is IBD not the same as infammation?
Siti : Well, yes it is... Err, fistulas?
MQ : Have you never heard of diverticulitis?
Siti : Eh, yes..
What about urology, ileal conduit sambung ape bende to what structures pun tak terkeluar kat kepalaku yang bertuah ini! Adoyaiiiii.... I am really crossing my fingers, hoping that next week will be better.
Reason number 3.
I'll be doing Trauma/Orthopaedics next week. Bukan la upset ape pun. It's just there's the long hours, the case write-ups, the mcq and OSCE at the end. And I heard it's quite busy. And Laura pesan kena pulun on physical exam for fracture clinics. Hah, nah tambah lagi dalam the-must-do-immediately list yang panjangnya dah masuk 7 kaki ni..
Reason number 4.
I miss home. Super-duperly terribly. Tak payah explain kot. Macam dah cannot breath kalau tak bernafas di Johor.
Reason number 5.
I am officially penniless! How so? Because secara emergency telah membeli a few buku pelajaran dan there's the expanse of my new laptop charger yg kiok last time. Terbanglah a few good hundreds of euros di situ. And I will be in Tullamore General Hospital week after next, and I cant even afford to buy the train tickets to get there. Aiyoh!
Reason number 6.
The insomnia is back. Heh. You know when you cant sleep, even if you have the extra hours of sleeping to do something else, you can't do anything really. All the work and thinking plus sleepless nights? Kaboom! You get a big explosion.
Reason number 7.
The ultimate reason. Yang menyebabkan aku keletihan dan kepeningan. You. You know who you are.
Conclusion.
I really hate to sound this negative. I know I've been very negative lately. Stress macam sangat membuat orang mahu marah setiap masa. Tapi, life's life. Tak pernah sunyi daripada ujian. I hope I can cope better. And that a good news will come to me, sooner rather than later.
[Summer, summer come quickly~]
